Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
