Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
