Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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