A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize