She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
