i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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