I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
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