You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
