he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
