Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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