True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
