So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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