so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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