you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
