He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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