i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
