I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
