Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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