I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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