I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We are two peas in an std pod
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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