Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
