I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I forget how to act sober
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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