So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
