i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This baby is an asshole
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
