After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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