just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
