In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
