Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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