Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
