Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
