Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
