He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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