We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
