We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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