This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
