Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
