Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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