a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
