I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
