Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
