Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
