I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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