Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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