CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
