Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
