I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize