well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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