i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
