I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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