i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
