I can tuck mytits in my pants
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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