His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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