My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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