My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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