I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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