That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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