I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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