We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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