I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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