Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
