So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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