Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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