Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
