More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He shit in the fireplace
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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