**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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