My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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