o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
