I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
