I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
