dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They took my balls.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
