Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
