You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
