He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
