I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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